He’s the busiest person in the office. Most of us know this person. He is always too busy to stop and talk. He must be important, because nobody could be that busy all the time and not be important. And whatever you do, don’t ask him to take on anything else – can’t you see he’s already up his eyes?
Or is he?
It’s not difficult to look like you’re snowed under, even when you’ve nothing more pressing on your mind than one deadline next Wednesday and planning which bagel to have for lunch. Here are seven well-worn tricks to looking busier than anyone else in the office:
1. Always carry files under your arm
The busy person never goes anywhere in the office without files under his arm or papers in his hand. Even if it’s to the kitchen for a cup of tea. If someone walks across the office empty-handed? Dossing. If someone walks across the office with a file in hand (even if contains blank pages): he’s clearly en route to a meeting or Somewhere Very Important.
2. Walk fast
The busy person does not stroll around the office – he marches. He more than marches – he is practically Rob Heffernan going for Olympic gold. He has no time for meandering, for faffing, for lolling, for chatting. He’s on a mission. He’s busy.
3. Talk fast
This person descends on colleagues (marching of course) and without preamble, launches into the business at hand. There’s no time for hellos or how-are-yous. Smalltalk is for the kind of people who think work should be fun as well as being work.
4. Arrive late to meetings
Although this is inconvenient and annoying for everyone else, the busy person just can’t help it. He slides into his chair after the meeting has been going on for ten minutes, rustling papers, thumbing through to find the right page, craning his neck to see what his neighbour is looking at. His body language says “I’m rushing here from another meeting, in fact I’ve had back-to-back meetings since before you got out of bed this morning, and I don’t even know what this one is about.” Really he was bidding for ski equipment on eBay.
5. Leave a coat on your chair overnight
The smart busy person knows that in order to be seen to be last in the office, without necessarily being last in the office, all you have to do is leave a coat on a chair. There’s no need to be present on the chair along with the coat – the busy person could conceivably be at a late evening meeting or at the printer. The coat is enough to signal “I’m working late”
And it doubles up as the perfect “I’m in the office early” beacon the following morning.
Note that leaving a PC switched on all night complements the coat-on-chair look beautifully.
6. Mis-spell all your emails
Nothing says “busy” like a badly spelled e-mail. Only people with time on their hands have that extra two or three seconds to hit spell-check, right? A busy person knows that you send the e-mail exaccctly as it come uot in teh frst draft.
7. Answer every inquiry the same way
If the question is “How’re things – busy?”, the answer must be some variant of “I’m up to my eyes”, “I’m snowed under”, “It’s insanely busy” or “No time to even breathe this week”. For the love of God, never say “Not too bad really – quiet enough”. You will either have a double-workload or lose your job by the end of the day.
Now, excuse my while I answer four hundred emails before rushing to my next super important meeting …