It’s 11.25pm on Thursday night and I’ve just spent five minutes scrolling through Facebook. Now I’m anxious because that’s five minutes that I didn’t spend doing something I should be doing, like editing the article that’s due tomorrow or editing the book that’s due next week. One part of me – a tiny voice – suggests that maybe at 11.25pm it’s okay to have five minutes downtime. I spent four hours this morning editing the book. I spent half the afternoon trying to find game developers to speak to me for an article that’s due tomorrow. (Where do all the game developers hide and why aren’t they on the internet?) Then after a solo bedtime, I spent another two hours on my laptop at the kitchen table.
So if it’s so busy, why am I writing this post I hear you ask? That is a very good question, and I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it’s just to let off some steam or to write something that’s not on deadline. Maybe it’s because I’m too tired to do anything other than waffle. Maybe it’s because my husband’s away so there’s nobody to tell me to close the laptop and go to bed. Or because I just had a camomile tea and it seems to have had the same effect as wine.
I’ve got that feeling you get when there’s far too much going on but you can’t do anything about it other than put your head down and keep going, and trust that if you put in the time and the effort, it will work out okay in the end.
I’ll cut all the corners – we’ll have the quick dinners and the kids will get extra TV and the house won’t get cleaned this weekend but it’s okay because nobody will see it except us, and four out of five of us don’t notice things like socks on floors or toys on stairs anyway.
I’ll bring my notebook on the school run to use those three spare minutes in the car to full effect. I’ll make calls while walking from the car to the school. I’ll set the kids up with the messy paints so I can hide in the other room with my laptop. I’ll eke out every second of every hour of every day and get it all done.
But I still need coffee, and I still need five minutes leaning against the counter talking to my husband, and I still need TV time and reading at the end of a long day, and I still need five minutes scrolling through Facebook at 11.25 on a Thursday night. And breathe.